Trust you Doreen, you do know that wearing Bridget Jones' is mandatory don't you? And by the way I will be deciding the order of the queue to board our cruise.

Don't worry Eleanor I received an exemption for Jean from health and safety, and she will be joining us on board, in fact she is going to be the first in the queue for frisking

I'm intrigued what sort of devices did she have with her? You see for health & safety reasons I need to know, she doesn't hide them in her Bridget Jones's does she? Would you believe it, the captain's first mate, the tall blond blue eyed 6.4ft who works out 5 days a week will be doing the frisking , and I don't want him to be scared off by Kathleen's snake or by Jean's hidden devices!

Yes I get sea sick even in a rowing boat, it's called self sacrifice and for the greater good of the wannabe ladies. Amanda I do so hope I'm doing the right thing, if you promise to dance the flamingo I'll put you second in line to Jean, sorry I promised Eleanor that I'd let Jean go first - just in case she's hiding something!

If Doreen doesn't play her cards right she'll be last in the queue, and left to be frisked by the weedy ship's janitor

One would of thought that after all my finishing school classes I would have learned to spell by now, sounds the same though, but Ah the dyslexia still catches me out now and then FLAMENCO dress it is then SENORA - is your dress at least pink?

Thought I'd let you know that Mary won't be with us tonight. She says she's having something called a flare. I don't know - anyone would think she'd got RA!

I thought it was really kind of Eleanor to offer to try and get Jean aboard, but if there`s a handsome hunk doing the frisking Doreen will be beating us all off with one of her solid ten-foot icicles and Jean will be hot-foot behind her.

However, in spite of all the pitfalls I can see might happen, I think a booze cruise is a very good idea............ but will 4 days be enough?

And I`m very disappointed, Barbara, that in your list of "approved drinks" there is no malt whisky - I like whisky as much as Eleanor likes Pernod, so it won`t be very fair if she can have Pernod but I can`t have whisky.

Who`s manning the lifeboats?

Just thought I'd better let you know that Mary and I have managed to get ourselves hired for a gig on board .
We are also allowed to board 2 hours before the peasants, I mean passengers.

And we won't have to wear the Bridget Jones'

Darn it!! And that was without her icicle! She knows people in high places or else Mary was persuaded to leap on board somehow and bribe the entertainments manager! No wonder she is having a flare: someone should tell her that slim fitting jeans are fashionable right now. Peasants is it, we'll see about that!!!

Amanda, don't let Julie know about the age 5 , she'll get it on and be off climbing up and into the life boats before you can say Jack Flash.

Barbara, it is imperative that I have pernod for medicinal purposes. Jenni drank mine in the fire engine two outings ago and I had to make do with Amanda's red. Mind you, she is bringing champagne this time.....

Amanda, you may be second in line for frisking but I would bring a fold up stool. Jean will take a while by the time they remove her bolt cutters and exploding big bloomers as well as anything else she may have squirelled away.

Kathleen is being swanky since her holiday in Edinburgh and I am sure that it is the snake who prefers Glenfiddich anyway.

When are we booked for? I am having my hair cut tomorrow so will be ready to go anytime soon.

Good idea to have this little warm up before the retirement do.

Eleanor x

Or lifeboat men!!!!